More lyrics just stuck on going through this with music. Thank Goddess music is there for me.

She Loves Me Not Lyrics

When I see her eyes
Look into my eyes
Then I realize that
She could see inside my head
So I close my eyes
Thinking that I could hide
Disassociate so I don't have to lose my head
This situation leads to agitation
Will she cut me off?
Will this be an amputation?

I don't know,
If I care
I'm the jerk,
Life's not fair
Fighting all the time
This is out of line
She loves me not, loves me not
Do you realize, I won't compromise
She loves me not, loves me not

Over the past five years
I have shed my tears
I have drank my beers and watched my fears fly away
And untill this day
She still swings my way
But it's sad to say sometimes
She says she loves me not
But I hesitate
To tell her I hate
This relationship
I want out today
This is over

I don't know
If I care
I'm the jerk
Life's not fair
Fighting all the time
This is out of line
She loves me not, loves me not
Do you realize I won't compromise
She loves me not
Life's not fair
I'm the jerk

Line for line, rhyme for rhyme
Sometimes we'll be fighting all the goddam time
It’s makin’ me sick
Relationship is gettin’ ill
Piss drunk stupid
Mad
On the real, could you feel
What I feel, what’s the deal girl
Tearin’ up each others world
We should be in harmony
Boy and girl
That is a promise we made
Back in the day
We told each other things wouldn’t be this way
I think we should work this out
It's alright baby, we can scream and shout.

I don't know
If I care
I'm the jerk
Life's not fair
Fighting all the time
This is out of line
She loves me not, loves me not
Do you realize I won't compromise
She loves me not, loves me not
Life’s not fair
Life’s not fair
Life’s not fair
I’m the jerk
Life’s not fair
She loves me not
Loves me not

Lyrics that let you let go of things eating at you...



Decompression Period lyrics

Here today gone today
Hurry up and wait
I'm never there for you or me
Can't you read the story of our lives
Death to me and life for you
Something isn't right
And I need some space to
Clear my head to think about
My life

And I can't be alone

I just need some space
To clear my head to think about my life
With or without you

We fight it out
We work it out
Give me some time to unwind

I must confess
I'm falling apart
Breaking your heart
Crying with you on the phone
We're walking on thin ice
I hope it doesn't break

Mile by mile we're farther apart
And it's one empty bottle
And two broken hearts
Night after night we are falling apart
Now it's two broken bottles
And four empty hearts

Decompression
Depression period

Isn't amazing, when an entire album fits what your life is experiencing? Paramour Sessions by Papa Roach is me right now. (I just wanna be wanna be loved! hehe)

This fits all the crap I have been through the past 3 years...

   
The World Around You Lyrics

Woaho
Woaho
Yea
Yea
Woaho
Woaho
Yea
Yea

You say I’m looking really bad
You say I’m looking really sick
And I don’t even care I never really did
So when push comes to shove
And I slap you in the face
Just remember one thing

When its time to feel the void
My whole life has been destroyed
And everyone around me says my time is running out
I refuse to surrender
I refuse to surrender

So I’m out of control
And I’m out of my mind
Just remember one thing
I think I’m just fine
So catch me when I fall
I won’t remember anything at all
So catch me when I fall

When its time to feel the void
My whole life has been destroyed
And everyone around me says my time is running out
I refuse to surrender
I refuse to surrender

Woaho
Woaho
Yea
Yea
Woaho
Woaho
Yea
Yea

When its time to feel the void
My whole life has been destroyed
And everyone around me says my time is running out
When its time to feel the void
My whole life has been destroyed
And everyone around me says my time is running out
I refuse to surrender
I refuse to surrender
I refuse to surrender
I refuse to surrender

OK. This Papa Roach song also fits in many ways. Everything really except the part about all the women. Cuz, I don't cheat. I have too much of a sense of honor to do that.

Here is a video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeDmjH5vMto

And the lyrics

In the brightest hour
Of my darkest day
I realized
What is wrong with me

Can't get over you
Can't get through to you
It's been a helter-skelter, romance from the start

Take these memories
That are haunting me
Of a paper man cut into shreds
By his own pair of scissors
He'll never forgive her...
He'll never forgive her...

[CHORUS]
Because days! Come and go!
But my feelings for you are forever
Because days come and go
But my feelings for you are forever

Sitting by the fire
On a lonely night
Hanging over from another good time
With another girl...
Little dirty girl
You should listen to this story of a life

You're my heroin-
In this moment I'm lonely
fullfilling my darkest dreams
All these drugs, all these women
I'm never forgiving...
this broken heart of mine

[CHORUS]
Because days! Come and go!
But my feelings for you are forever
Because days come and go
But my feelings for you are forever

[CHORUS]
One last kiss...
Before I go...
Dry your tears...
It is time to let you go...

[CHORUS]
One last kiss(One last kiss)
Before I go(Before I go)
Dry your tears(Dry your tears)
It is time to let you go...

[CHORUS]
Because days! Come and go!
But my feelings for you are forever
Because days come and go
But my feelings for you are forever

[CHORUS]
One last kiss(One last kiss)
Before I go(Before I go)
Dry your tears(Dry your tears)
It is time to let you go...

[CHORUS]
One last kiss...
Before I go...
Dry your tears...
It is time to let you go...

One Last Kiss.

A Golden Dawn friend of mine and I spoke briefly. He told me that based on my horoscope he feels I am set back by pisces moon and set ahead with the Leo Sun and Virgo asc. Here is what he wrote:

Hi Bert,
Ykes! Sorry to hear you're going through a rough spot, but I don't think advice from a divination is what you need most at this moment. I know 'chin up' advice seems like the last thing you need at this moment, but that's exactly what I'm going to offer. Pisces moon is what's 'feeling' what's ripped appart, but it doesn't stand a chance against Sun in Leo and your Virgo is going to eventually, probably sooner than you think know how to put you neatly back together.
That's as wise as I can be at the moment.
Good luck and "chin up!"
My best,

Going through this whole break up sucks. But I have good friends. I had a very interesting talk with one yesterday over IM. I hacked out the friend's name but otherwise the interesting part is all here.

This song fits me so well right now. It is doubled edged because I am both the protagonist who cares too much and the messed up loser who needs to fix himself. Fix yourself! That is what the Goddess wants for me. I realize now and have really for sometime that I have needed help. I needed a lot of help going through all the surgical stuff and all that and I did not get much help. My relationship had a lot of wonderful elements but it had tons of bad ones too. I am not here to blame anyone but she did not invest much of herself emotionally that I could ever tell. It was all what can I get and when I was disabled and no longer capable of giving much it all started to roll apart. I know she has serious self esteem issues and I fear she is bipolar as well. But she left and it is all up to her for her. And all up to me for me. And my Leo strength is coming back slowly. I mean crying oneself to sleep each night and waking up that way wears on you and you just get too burned out to do it much anymore. So I don't know if I am starting to improve or I am just burned but once I start counseling I know that will help me figure things out.

OK. The song. Here is the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_nGObVkLsE

Scars by Papa Roach

tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

[Chorus x2]

I had a good day today. I had to do some very unfun stuff but the results so far have been good. Enough has been slow cooking in my mind that I have gotten to the point that I realize my dead relationship is a dead relationship. I did everything I could to put my heart, soul, and feelings into wanting to fix things. But this person has got serious issues and I can't help her. I have to focus on me. I finally feel good about taking care of me. My friends, my family, my livejournal friends and other web site friends have all been way supportive and giving me the foundation to know that sometimes people get self destructive and want to take you down too. And I have been fighting so hard to live though all my illness BS and how hard life has been going through that, that I am not going to just roll over and die.

I finally feel good about knowing I did my best and knowing I made every opportunity available to her to get things the help they need so it could be resolved. And it is not going to happen. The pain has changed. It isn't self directed. Its not even pain in the normal sense. It is just a sense of loss. I have my friends telling me I am a smart, talented, and attractive guy. When the time is right someone else will be there for me to share myself with. And right now I am ok with just accepting things as is, and knowing I did my best.

So I took down my blogs on all of this. I have it saved and I am writing a lot. So I may be able to get this into a fiction novellete or who knows. But it is time to move on without pain and so I don't need to see those posts up here.

Peace and thanks to you all for all your support! God Bless you!

Well its been quite apparent to scientists for a significant amount of time that we are really facing major Global warming as a result of how we use fuels, and generate toxins that are causing a build up gases that are holding in heat. We are really hosing up our planet in a big way. Its not bogus.

Here is an excellent article about the state of affairs with our global warming problem and I really do recommend you read it. If you need to vent or discuss feel free to make comments here. Or if you want to chat me on it I use AIM: deadevilfrog, Yahoo: deadevilfrog, and MSN: Bert.Bolin@gmail.com, and ICQ: 269491306 so feel free to chat me.

The article: Science Panel Says Global Warming Is ‘Unequivocal’

Last night my wife and I watched the Anime Movie Cowboy Bepop: The Movie. This movie was made after the entire series was completed. It really unites the various characters in a great way. And the movie was very intense. It was an excellent action film as excellent if not more so than most/many/all (?) the live action films we are so see so much today.

I will say briefly that it had to do with a nano-machine virus that could wipe out the population of Mars which is now more like Earth than Earth is. The evil main character was experimented on against his will as a special ops. military man. Vincent, the evil guy, has the anti-virus in his blood, anti-nano machines. He is the living dead in his heart. Spike sees this in himself but has more life in himself, more concern for the world, although as he says a couple of times, "I'm just a bounty hunter, the saving of life is not really my goal" and yet of course manages a way to do just that.

Kick ass film. The Anime is such a high level that you will see it like Film and forget its a cartoon easily. It is awesome with plenty of fun stuff built in with Ed and Ein and the whole gang.

See it!

Tuesday night I watched a movie with my lovely wife Ginger. We are big 80s kids, Gen Xs, all that, and so that is a big part of our past, that we like to share with each other. We have gotten a new TV and for our Anniversary present hehehe we got a really nice DVD player. So we are catching up on lots of movies in the past 3 or 4 years we have missed out on as well as rewatching some old movies. Flatliners was an old movie.

Flatliners stars Keifer Sutherland, Julia Roberts, Kevin Bacon as the main three. I think Keifer really owns the role and does it well. His role is that of a student doctor near graduation trying to make a mark to stand out for himself and because of his past he is drawn to death. So he wants to determine if there is an activity, any experiences beyond brain death. He devised a procedure to cool the body down, apply drugs, and shock the heart to stop it. Once there is brain death the count is on and they give each person a longer (silly part of the movie is the whole I will go next 2:40!) time down. Once the duration has been reached they attempt to resuscitate the peerson who went down.

Keifer goes first. He has a nice little visit with his past running with the boys, and his dog. And he is happy. Of course once he comes back there has to be more to it. There is. Apparently as each person goes down under, dies, and comes back they reawaken the person they most bothered. In Keifer's case this ends up being quite bad because he had a boy in childhood who he chased up a tree and was throwing snow balls at, fall from the tree and get impaled on a fence post and dies. This whole ordeal of course is not discovered until the end of the movie.

Julia's chareceter is interesting in that she finds her father injecting heroin because of his army injuries untreated. It is hard for her to she her Father in this needy role, and also for him, when he is seen shooting up, he is so horrified he must commit suicide. Of course, there in lies the saving grace, that Julia's charecter can accept her Father as needy as he was.

This actually a really good movie to watch. Nothing over involved, and not very dark. It reaches out to the viewer and asks "we all die, but what will make your death rememberable.

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.

6. When you have Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to make them drink it.

5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over their brand of Beer.

4. You don't have to wait more than 2,000 years for a second Beer.

3. There are laws saying that Beer labels can't lie to you.

2. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.

1. You can prove you have a Beer.

This is absolutely insane. I thought I was good at bunny-jumping but dayam!

AHHHHhhhh...POCKKKKkkkkyyyy...f

You Are Green Tea Pocky

Your attitude: natural and zen Peaceful yet full of life. Deep and thoughtful. You're halfway to tantric bliss!

What Flavor Pocky Are You?</div>

AHHHHhhhh...POCKKKKkkkkyyyy...f

You Are Green Tea Pocky

Your attitude: natural and zen Peaceful yet full of life. Deep and thoughtful. You're halfway to tantric bliss!

AHHHHhhhh...POCKKKKkkkkyyyy...f

You Are Green Tea Pocky

Your attitude: natural and zen Peaceful yet full of life. Deep and thoughtful. You're halfway to tantric bliss!

AHHHHhhhh...POCKKKKkkkkyyyy...

You Are Green Tea Pocky

Your attitude: natural and zen Peaceful yet full of life. Deep and thoughtful. You're halfway to tantric bliss!